I have no Idea?
No real answer…sincerely.
I have never written like this before.
No PHD.
No TED TALK.
Just writing about my own experience as a father and sharing the ideas I feel that helped me.
I’ve raised five children.
Yes-FIVE!
Across two marriages, in two different countries, through different decades, shifting economies, and constantly evolving cultural norms. My youngest is twelve. My oldest….nearly forty now. That’s a spread that forces you to grow, stretch, and evolve as a man if you’re even halfway awake.
I’ve seen diapers and diplomas.
I’ve held my child’s fevered body through the night and watched another walk across a stage with honors.
I’ve sat in parent-teacher conferences, across from therapists, at kitchen tables filled with laughter and, yes, silence.
I’ve been the man who stayed. The man who left. The man who returned. The man who repaired.
And I’m proud to tell you this-they’re all still here.
Alive. Breathing. Healthy. Intact.
If you’re a father, you know-that’s no small win.
That alone? That’s a legacy. But it doesn’t stop there.
I’ve watched my adult children take what they saw me do-the tools, the tone, the calm, the structure, the relentless presence-and apply it to their own children.
That’s when I knew-something worked.
I’m not saying I nailed every part.
I certainly didn’t.
I made mistakes, trust me…the kind that keep you up all night.
But I always came back to-show up with love, with strength, and with direction.
Now, when I look at the lives they’re building-college degrees, solid jobs, loving relationships, children of their own-I feel a deep, settled knowing… that fatherhood, when done right, echoes. It ripples out. It teaches without words. It leaves fingerprints on generations.
I’ve lived this life. I’ve been in the trenches-at 3:15 a.m. and 3:15 p.m. I’ve had victories and regrets, full hearts and broken ones.
Fathers Matter!
I don’t know what else to say other than that.
I believe strongly in what we are about go thru in the upcoming months and years working together…and if you stay with it for a “moment”, I’ll walk with you into what it means to be not just a dad-but an Apex Dad.
Once Upon A Time…
I was a real piece of shit!!
Trust Me!
More time in bars, horse tracks, and strip clubs than at ballgames, dance class, or home….I think you get the picture.
THIS IS NOT THAT STORY!
But…I wanted to point out..that I am human and far from perfect…
I didn’t realize it all at once.
It didn’t hit me like lightning or come wrapped in some Hallmark moment.
No, it came quietly-on a Tuesday.
I was walking past the bedroom and caught my child talking to themselves while stacking blocks. Nothing remarkable. But then I heard it-my voice. My cadence. My tone. Not the words I said last night or last week, but the way I say them. The rhythm. The pause. They were mimicking me. Rehearsing my presence. And it stopped me cold.
That’s when it hit me. I’m not just some guy paying bills and lifting groceries. I’m the voice in their head. I’m the template. I’m the example for how strength walks, how love sounds, how anger settles, how joy feels when it’s real. They’re watching me not just to survive childhood-but to become someone in this world.
It’s terrifying.
It’s beautiful.
I don’t get to choose whether I leave an impact.
I only get to choose what kind of impact I leave.
That moment rewired something in me. I’m not perfect. I don’t have to be. But I have to be there. I have to be aware. Accountable. Because this child isn’t just becoming-they’re becoming because of me.
There’s something about a father’s presence that speaks in a language deeper than words.
We are more than just men in a house.
We are landmarks in our children’s internal maps.
We are the calm they return to after the noise.
The strength they carry in their spine when the world tries to fold them.
A father doesn’t need to be loud or legendary. He just needs to be there-day after day, choice after choice, proving that love is a verb that shows up in the small hours and the long drives and the quiet glances across the room.
Our children don’t remember what we say nearly as much as how we made them feel. And when a father makes a child feel safe, feel seen, feel believed in-that becomes their armor. That becomes the voice they’ll hear years from now when they’re facing a hard moment alone. And that voice-your voice-can remind them they were never alone to begin with.
That’s the gift.
That’s the role.
That’s my role.
And now that’s your role.
…and not all stories end with happy endings
As I mentioned, I have five children spanning from twelve to almost fourty (I am a grandfather as well).
Recently I tried to make amends with one of my older children.
This was their response:
“You robbed me of of a life.
You shattered our family, and you broke my heart.
I don’t care about your apology.
Your deception is deeply rooted in you, you consistently hurt everyone close to you.
You are a broken human being.
Before this inconvenient little reminder, I had effectively forgotten you exist, and in about 15 minutes I’ll forget again.
Leave me alone.
No one needs you, no one misses you, no one wants you.”
ONCE AGAIN-THIS IS NOT THAT STORY!
I add this for one reason. I want you to remember, as you read this book, I am not perfect and have certainly messed up (let’s change that to fucked up) as a parent in my life.
Big time!
I am happy to say and extremely grateful that with almost all of my adult children I have been able to repair those relationships despite the damage I inflicted on them. But at the same time there is to still work to do-a lot of work to do on my part-to help heal extremely harmful wounds I and I alone am responsible for.
My Apex Dad 